Humans are either
Complex or simplex
We slowly kill each other
Without noticing it ourselves
But we are happy
even though we should be sad
We pretend being strong
Though we are hurt to the brim
We grow flowers that won’t bloom
In dreams that won’t ever come true.
Chapter 4 – Blind belief
Dark, darker, yet darker. The darkness kept growing. Shadows were cutting deeper. Photons reading negative. My body was scattering across time and space. Was this my fate? Deeper, deeper, the wound just got deeper. Like pieces of broken glass that I couldn’t reverse. Deeper. It was just the heart that hurt every day. You who were punished in my stand. You who were only delicate and fragile. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Even when I tried to hide it, conceal it, it couldn’t be erased. Are you calling me a sinner? What more did I have to say? You accepted me. Without you there is nothing. After dawn the two of us, we welcomed the morning together. Don’t let go of my hand forever. I won’t let go of you again either. Cry with me.
A sound of something breaking. A sound full of mystery. The pain in my throat gets worse. I tried to cover it up but… I didn’t have a voice. Today I hear that sound again. It’s ringing, once again. That sound. I buried my voice for everyone else. It continues even when I run away. Find the me who was pure. I couldn’t be saved from this lie. Give me back my smile. Please. Fly with me.
I am here, the same person I was from before, but an overgrown lie was trying to swallow me whole. I know, that every life is a movie. We got different stars and stories. We got different nights and mornings. Our scenarios ain’t just boring. I find this movie very amusing. It’s not that I believe it. That I want to try holding out. Because this is all that I can do. I wanted to remain. I wanted to dream more. Even so, what I am saying is… that it’s time to leave.
It is my truth… It is my fate…
A light started forming, bigger it got. The light was as bright as the sun. Somehow the light got dark and then light again, fading in and out. I finally saw something. I saw six flower petals, burning in front of me. When they had stopped burning I saw six photos instead. They are things that I’ve left behind me: The beautiful birds singing, my ex; Johanna, my emotions, mom and dad, my sanity and lastly, myself…
I could suddenly see seven guys in cloaks surrounding me, repeating the same phrase in a language I didn’t recognize but still understood; Hey you, what is your dream?
Suddenly I heard a scream, or was it a bird singing, maybe a mirror cracking up into pieces. I fainted but I didn’t hit the ground, instead I flew through the sky.
“ Wake up, wake up, now! “ I heard a voice saying.
“ Please, wake up. “ The voice was almost crying to me.
“ Come on, hurry up! “ The voice screamed, not to me, but to someone else in a car. An ambulance maybe? I didn’t know for sure, maybe?
“ Hurry up for fuck sake! PLEASE! “ the voice screamed. The ringing came back and haunts my dreams as nightmare fuel to this very day. Is this what my life was? Is death just pain and agony? Or am I still alive? How? Why?
“ Please, stay alive for me! Please… “ the voice, now much clearer, said. As if I was on my deathbed. I started hearing sobbing and I could feel the tears falling on my chest like flower petals falling to the ground. A dark… portal? No, it can’t be. Something dark started emerging and it consumed me…
I finally started to see… and what I saw was shocking. I saw Mey right in front of me, crying and asking me back, wondering if I could wake up.
“ P-please… J-just wake up… “ Mey cried to me, almost as if I was dead… But I wasn’t dead, just unconscious from what people called the rooftop accident.
Text: Morgan Simonsson Björk, 7D